Evocation of memories, Unending melancholy

I dream of you, I remember you everyday. I won't say I miss you because you were never forgotten, but yeah I wish you never left. There are times when I feel , maybe I could have given you a little more, - a little more time, a little more love . One more conversation, maybe that could have given me some peace in my heart. But no, you have left and I am here with broken heart, eyes full of tears and body with no strength to bear this trauma. I saw you there,-lying , I knew you weren't coming back but my heart wished it was just a bad dream, a bad dream that my dreamcatcher would keep away. When I heard the news, I was numb. I wished that my ears heard it wrong. But it had already happened, and I had to face it. I had to keep myself together to go through your loss. I had to gather all the  strength I could to accept the fact that I will never see you again, I will never hear your voice, you'll not be there when I look for you. The pain was almost like a bullet straight through my heart.

To lose a person you love is the hardest thing in the world but when its someone almost like your mother, its even harder. You can always fake a smile and stop the tears but what you can't do is convince your heart to accept their departure. But as they say, 'What doesn't break you, makes you stronger' , so yeah the grief makes you stronger, and you get the courage to overcome the trauma, but what you can't overcome is the beautiful memories of that person. The memories come like flashes in your mind, and takes you back to the time when they were with you.

Its been really hard but I have made myself strong to go through this pain. I know that she is looking at me, I know she thought of me like a daughter and I know she loves me. And I love her too till infinity and beyond. What I have realized is, the person might go away but the love never fades and the love is what keeps you going. Sometimes, I think of her and I can't stop but cry but then I control myself knowing that she's in a better place now. And other times, I am left with a big smile on my face because of all the memories and all the good times. I don't miss her because I haven't forgotten her. I never can. But the good thing is that I know she's in a better place. I hope I come out of this agony one day and get myself into a better place as well.

Unbreakable barriers Or Knowingly not broken??

We often say that the world has become advance, the world is developing , the barriers between humans are being outcasted , but very often I think to myself it all of this is only words or maybe just an illusion. Because as far as I have experienced, the advancement of this world is too materialistic. The world might be more communicative and maybe virtually we're all friends , but in real world , there's very less of what we call 'real friendship' . Actually, I would say, in the real world, there's very less of  humanity.

People call me fat. They call me dark. They say I don't dress well. Actually ,they say a lot of things, and at the same time, they send me friend requests on Facebook and follow me on Instagram, likes a few pictures and Yay we become friends. As simple as that, right? No, its actually not that simple. Noone ever thinks of how hurt I get when people pass comments as negative as that. What I believe is , God created us, and God created us for  a special reason and we're all equally special to him. Just because God gave me a darker complexion than you doesn't mean he loves you more and it obviously doesn't mean that he has given you the right to call me dark or fat or degrade me in any way or make me feel bad about myself. Okay, let's keep me aside, because I love myself , dark or fair and thin or fat. Let's talk about a girl who comes from a small  village to a city to fulfill her dreams. She doesn't dress well. She doesn't know how to put on make-up as well as you do, but just think about it.... is any of this her fault? Obviously, no! It wasn't her fault that she was born into a village. She came out of a woman's womb just like I did or you did and she's just like us- a human being! So, who on earth gave you the right to call her names and act superior to her? Actually, its not our fault either. Its the way our society is and has been.

We call ourselves educated, we call ourselves open-minded , then why are we not being able to come out of the barriers of looks and appearances . Actually, we're not even able to come out of the socio-cultural barriers. But why so? Why do we look at the person next to us as a villager or as a fat guy or a thin guy or a person of another caste or religion and not look at them as a fellow human being? Lets all think about it! WHY?

THEY Talk , Lets ignore and THEY will shut up.

If you're fat, they say that you're too fat. If you're skinny, they say you're too thin. If you're confused about life, they call you careless. If you're sure about what you want to do with your life, they call you an insane dreamer. If you read books, they call you a nerd. If you don't , they call you lazy. If you're best friends with a lot of people, they call you a people pleaser . If you don't have much friends, they call you a dork.  So, why do these 'theys' judge us in whatever we do? Maybe its because we give them enough space in our lives that they get the courage to judge us that way , or maybe its because that's the way our society is.
 
'They' won't be there when we're broke and we need money. But, 'they' will be there to talk behind our backs when we get into some kind of monetary scandal. 'They' won't be there when a little boy is bullied in his school. But, 'they' will be there to have a social backbiting reunion when that boy fails his exams due to depression. 'They' won't be there to stand up for a girl when she is teased or harrased every time she walks down the street . But, they will be there to torture the girl when she is raped. 'They' are funny. 'They' think they are right but, 'they' are mean. 'They' are the people of the society that we live in. 'They' are the ones who give fake smiles to us when we walk pass them and talk about us the moment we go away from their sight. We are treated like everybody likes us but in reality hardly a fraction of people we meet in a day talk good about us.

But, the big question is , 'How much we let them affect our lives?' . If we let them feel like they are bringing us down with their actions, they'll get more confidence to speak about us. But we let them bring us down. That is why so many go into depression and that is the reasons we hear about so many suicide cases. I believe that the way to make 'them' quit talking about us to make 'them' believe that we don't care. So, stay strong and do what you want to do, 'they' don't matter as much as we think they do.  

Magical Thing called Love

I believe in love. I believe that miracles can happen when two people love each other truly and unconditionally. I believe that each love story is special. It doesn't necessarily have to be a great story. You don't have to die for each other like Romeo and Juliet did and neither do you have to get married at 16 like Nathan and Haley did. Your love story might be full of twists and turns like daily soap operas or really difficult like stories in Hindi movies are, or if you're lucky enough, your love story might be a beautiful fairytale. Whatever it is and however it is, your love story is special because your love story is yours, not anybody else's. It doesn't matter how you first met or how you fell love, maybe you met at a party or at a business conference or maybe you didnt even notice each other in your first meeting or maybe you were classmates. Your first meeting doesn't have to be special but your love story is special. You might never know when you fell in love or maybe you know the exact moment and exact place and exact dress you were wearing when you fell in love. Love can be funny. You never know when it'll come into your life and make your life so beautiful that you actually sleep with a smile in your face. But as funny as it is, your love story is special. You might talk all day with each other or maybe once a day,  you might always go on dates or go very occasionally, you might celebrate anniversaries every month or don't believe in such celebrations, however your love is, your love story is special. Every date you've gone on , every fight you've had, every obstacle that have come your way, every time you've confessed your love for each other , each and every thing is the evidence of how special your love story is. I believe in love. I believe that love is the beautiful creation of God. I believe that each love stories are special. Those love stories you read about, those you watch in a movie or the ones that you witness in your real life, each and every love story is special. And I believe that love is a very special feeling. I believe that the one person in your life can make all your problems go away , that one person can turn your tears into smiles and your failure into success. I believe that everyone deserves to have that one person in life. I believe in love 

The Hitchhiker's Twist

It was a cloudy night. The thundering and lightening seemed like the clouds were screaming in anger. The tiny rain drops falling from the sky were covering the streets of New York City. There was still an hour for me to reach home. I was driving smoothly and steadily with Bryan Adams’s “Everything I do” playing in my music system.I was in a really good mood because that day I was awarded “The Best Teenage Fashion Designer” . I was coming back from the award function and the after party. I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my parents about it. I was just imagining all the possible reactions they could show and I was smiling to myself.
Suddenly, I saw a man standing in the middle of the road asking for a lift. I had to stop my car.
“Can I take a lift?”, he asked.
“Sure, come on in.”
He was sort of a peculiar fellow. His face, his clothes, his voice, actually, every single thing about him was strange !! I was quite nervous while driving with him in the car. Maybe to break the silence, he asked, ” Can I know your name, please?” .”umm.. Sure! Its Anna Sparks! “, I replied
“I think I’ve heard this name before!”
Looking at the trophy at the backseat of my car, he exclaimed ,”Oh! I got it! You won the award for fashion designing ,right?” I smiled politely and I was about to reply back to him when he interrupted me, “If I’m not mistaken, you just lost your family in a fire, didn’t you?”
“What the hell are you talking about? Are you kidding me? “
I sped up my car. I wanted to reach home as soon as possible.
“Can you stop the car here?”, he said.
“Okay!”
“Don’t forget to see the calender today, alright? I’ll take your leave now!”
I was in a extreme hurry so I didn’t really care about what he said. I drove my car so fast that my car crashed in front of a tree. Next thing I knew, I was in a hospital’s bed, with my hand and leg broken and my mom and dad sitting right beside me.It was such a relief to see them safe and healthy as a horse.
I remembered what the lift taker said and saw the calender. It was April 1st. It was April Fool’s Day. I had actually been fooled that almost cost me to lose my life. I was just so mad at that crazy man. It was all because of him that I was lying in a hospital’s bed miserably with my hands and leg broken.
I had imagined that day to be a nostalgic one, but it ended up being one of the silliest and scariest day of my life .

A big smile to my late grandfather!!

He must be resting in peace right now in the heaven, probably having a cup of tea and chatting with his dead mates , telling them about the wonderful life he has lived.
The greatest loss that I’ve ever  encountered in my life was my grandfather’s death. I still remember getting a call from my mom telling me to reach to the hospital. He was lying in his bed, quite unwell when I left home that morning but I didn’t realize how serious it was about to get. As soon as I got the call, I rushed to the hospital, my cousin brother offered to drop me there. As I reached the hospital, I couldn’t get myself to enter into the gate.. I was scared, unknown of what condition he was in. However, I gathered up all my courage and went inside to see him and there he was, lying in the hospital’s bed, he looked fine,  at least his eyes were open for that was the last time I saw his open eyes. The doctors did say that he was going to be fine  but I had a feeling that he was not coming back home. I tried convincing myself not to feel that way but I couldn’t. I could see his face. It was changed… that wasn’t how he was when I saw him earlier that morning.
As days passed, his condition didn’t get any better but even worse. Everyday, hoping to get a call from someone from my family , ” We’re bringing him back home ” , but no, it didn’t happen. All I saw was my mom and dad coming back home with their eyes full of tears , trying to be strong and that everlasting hope that he would be fine.
One day I was on my way to the hospital, talking to my sister on the phone.. I reached there and that was it. He was gone.. gone forever with no hope of coming back. Now I call it telepathy or maybe it was destiny that my sister called me from London the very time and she and me found out at the same time. I tried being strong. I hugged my grandmother who couldn’t stop crying. We all had to accept it. We had to accept the fact that he was gone.
It’s been almost a year and a half but still I feel like he’s going to come any moment and tell me about his day. How he used to stand on the gate , when any of us would not come home on time, how he used to bless us , his smile, his laughter , his voice, I miss it all . I miss him and his immense love for me.
Maybe, now he’s bragging to his mates in the heaven about his grand daughter writing an article for him. He was truly the most amazing man I’ve ever known!!

Fairytales or anti-feminism tale?

I’m one of those girls who grew up reading and watching fairytales. Me and my elder sister were big-time lovers of all those fairytales where a charming prince would come in his white horse and rescue a damsel in distress. To be very honest, I used to feel good reading those fairytales thinking that no matter how bad any situation gets, a prince will come and make everything perfect. That’s how we’ve been brought up, right? The stories we read as kids signify that girls are weak and they need boys to save them.But, is that it for a girl? I say no!

Thank goodness, I got a reality check as I grew up and I came to realize how wrong my perception as a little girl was. But, then again, I was a kid.I thought what those fairytales made me to think. But what about all those little girls reading those fairytales right now? I feel bad for them. They’re living in a bubble, where they are all probably thinking that they need to be beautiful to be happy. If you’re not beautiful ,how is a prince going to fall in love with you,right? How is a prince going to show up to kiss you and wake you up after you’re poisoned by a wicked witch? Take Cinderella for example. She was beautifu, but miserabe, tortured by her step-mother and step-sisters. Then,Prince Charming came into her life and she became a princess. What if Cinderella was ugly like her step-sisters? Would the prince have danced with her in the royal party? Ofcourse not! She’d probably still be miserable in her step-mother’s house. Moral of the story ? – Be beautiful and get a prince!

I’m not against fairytales. I mean, ofcourse I’m not trying to form an anti-fairytale union. But , my question is , why do aways girls need boy’s support or why is it potrayed that way? Why aren’t women and girls potrayed as strong girls and women in these fairytales? Cinderella had guts to go to prince’s royal party but she wasn’t courageous enough to fight for her rights and go out there to create her own identity? That doesn’t make sense to me. The same case is with Snow-white. First she was protected by the seven dwarfs and then a prince shows up, kisses her and saves her from dying and they lived happily ever after. The potrayal of weakness of girls is so common. But ofcourse, its only a fairytales. How does it even matter, right? We read it for fun. So what if its affecting the minds of little girls and boys growing up and reading those fairytales? Nobody cares! Well, its time we start caring about it.

Why is it always exhibited that a girl needs to be beautiful?How do we even know if someone’s beautiful and someone’s not?I keep on asking ths question to myself when I say ” Wow! She’s beautiful” .But how do I know it? Do we have a certain scale to measure it? As per these fairytales, beautiful means fair, slim , no spots whatsoever , nice hair , nice nails and nice everything , basically a dream fantasy of a guy. But, what about all those girls who don’t have these qualities? Have we ever thought about how they feel when they read these fairytales? I don’t think so!

Why aren’t there more stories like Hansel and Gretel that shows actual struggles of life? This story is about how two siblings face all the struggles of life with their intelligence and patience. I admire the fact the Gretel is potrayed as a weak and sobby girl first and then she breaks out as a powerful girl in the end and saves her brother and herself from the witch. Gretel, here represents the entire womanhood, miserable and paltry before but slowly coming out as powerful and strong. This story has no prince in a white horse, no beautiful anybody and it actually has a moral that little children can learn.

In a nutshell, I would again like to repeat that , I’ve read all these fairytales and I’ve loved reading them , but they should give a valid meaning. Only meaning that most of these fairytales are giving is how weak girls are and I strongly and truly believe that its not true.